A Mother’s guilt – first day at nursery!
As I sit here, coffee in hand, no sounds of CBeebies, no toddler jumping around, I almost don’t know what to with myself. My first born, my baby, is at nursery for the first time! I have so many different emotions its’s unreal.
The biggest emotion? Guilt! I have wanted Harrrison to go to nursery for months to get more interaction with other children his age. Plus to learn more than I am able to teach him myself at home. However, nursery is expensive and we couldn’t afford to. But last month, I got a promotion which means I bring in a little more money but will also need to do a few hours work from home a week. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to put him into nursery. The increase in pay and hours meant we can afford one days nursery a week and I need the time to myself to get the extra work done.
I must admit the idea of being able to do the food shop without breaking out a sweat of embarrassment because he is actually screaming the whole way round the shop, is rather thrilling!
But now the time has come and he is currently in there having his first settling in session (I’m literally in a coffee shop 2 minutes down the road in nervous anticipation of them calling me back because he is upset). Now he is there so much guilt is pilling down on me for putting him in there. He already goes to my mums one day a week and my nans another and now I’m putting him in someone else’s care for another whole day. I feel like I’m missing out. I feel like I should be with him.
I’m trying to remember the positives! He will learn to much, he will make friends! He will have so much fun doing all the super messy arts and crafts I can’t bring myself to do in the house!
Plus on the two days a week he will be home with me I will no longer need to spend time doing the boring things he hates like the shopping because I can get it done around work whilst he is at nursery. And I need some time to myself every now and again to be able to go for a run, to go to the shops and actually try clothes on, to go to the hairdressers.
I think this one day a week being at home and him being at nursery will actually be great for the both of us. But hell I feel guilty for it.
Hopefully in a month or so’s time and he is settled in and loving it and I’ll come and write a post about how it was the best decision ever. Fingers crossed! But for now, I miss him! And I’m counting down the hour until I can go and collect him!